THE STRUGGLE OF A SUICIDAL MIND

Today I’m wearing red lacy inner wear just for the heck of it…

Underneath that I’m in birthday suit which is covered by layers and layers of skin,

My skin is soft, smooth, silky and easily bruises but no one cares about that…

All everyone is concerned about is what my tongue and fingers do when the lights are turned off…

May be all my tongue wants is to have a taste of dark chocolate,

May be all my tongue wants is to feel the taste of vanilla ice cream,

May be all my tongue yearns for is to be replenished by a warm glass of water,

May be all my fingers do is peep through the curtain to see the rain as it falls,

May be all my fingers do is to pick a pen and write a beautiful poem,

May be all my fingers do is clean the mess in my bedroom,

May be all my fingers do is apply lotion on my body,

But that’s not necessarily what they do…

Most times the fingers just wipe the tears that are falling on my cheeks,

Because truth be told no one can see me becoming a skeleton of my former self,

Everyone is more concerned about the shape and contours of my body,

No one can see the life drain out of my body,

No one can see the sparkle in my eyes go dark,

I’m trying to keep my head above water but my feet and arms have refused to move,

I’m contemplating just giving up on myself and letting go…

I’m slowly drowning in frustration and pain…

I barely have any fight left in me…

I always thought that even when we try to hide our feelings, our eyes will always speak…

May be I got it wrong…

Who knows may be that’s not the worst thing to happen…

Dying isn’t the hardest thing because the dead are at rest,

Living is the difficult thing because you have to show up every day and confront your own demons.

However, every time my head faces the sky as I try to stay afloat I see a glimmer of hope,

I should probably give life one more shot…

Because I’ve decided to aim for the stars since the sky is the limit,

But then again… why not just aim for space itself!

I’ve decided to prepare for the battle of my life,

I’M FINALLY FIGHTING THE MOST IMPORTANT FIGHT… THE FIGHT FOR MY LIFE!

I’ve Decided to Put Everything Else Aside and Fight for The Most Important Person in My Life…ME!

I’m Going to Swim Out of My Pit of Misery Because in The End One Needs More Courage to Live Than to Kill Oneself.

Remember;

“Soak Up the Views. Take in The Bad Weather and The Good Weather. You Are Not the Storm.”

Copyrights © 2020 Eva Mwangi

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